Why use a “love blog” to make a Demystify Leadership point?
I was listening to Big Al & D-Mac (a very enjoyable couple of sports DJ’s) the other day and they were arguing about marriage. Big Al said, “you can be happy or you can be right.” While D Mac sort of agreed, he also said, “yea, but you’re young, only married 13 years.” The implication was that he and his wife had been married for 28 years, and after a while, worrying about EITHER happy or right would lose its meaning. It got me to thinking…
I do a big block of content on “neural communications.” In there, one of the top 10 rules I promulgate is this: it is far better to be kind than it is to be right. That holds true if you are in a relationship, or if you are a leader with a team. You’ve always heard, “choose your battles wisely.” Yet, rarely, do average leaders ever do this (and above-average leaders less so). They must be right. They browbeat their team to prove a point. They stifle communications to be right.
The stereotype of the military is that the average soldier does not argue with the leader. That’s not true in elite units. They listen and encourage opinions and differing points of view. Then the leader makes a decision.
In relationship work, I talked about “The Legendary Love Relationship.” The number one reason why most don’t believe this is possible is because they don’t believe THEY are a legend. The number two reason? They see small conflict or argument as a reason not to be a legend. Yet, as in all NLP work, there is so often this counter-intuitive drive: not only is there conflict… it is legendary conflict… which makes way for “Legendary Conflict Resolution.”
So when I ponder my relationship, Barbara and I have had epic conflicts, which always led to a legendary resolution. And, the argument itself? It was never worth it… AND… the even bigger lesson? The REAL conflict was never about what we argued. We had been hijacked by hidden issues and hidden triggers.
So ask yourself these deep leadership questions:
- Do you encourage input? Do you encourage conflict?
- Do you focus on moving past that conflict to making others feel great about the resolution?
- Do you always have to be “right?”
- For the really deep disagreements… you think you know what it’s about… but do you really?
Send us your answers! Someone on the TIY team will respond with feedback and tools!